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OMG… if I only knew then what I know now.
Thank you for sharing this with me Adam. These videos you have posted and all the other ones I’ve seen on YouTube have really made me think about my singleness and why it is the way that it is. I hung onto someone because I did not want to be a part of the single community anymore and I did whatever I could to keep him. I never realized how emotionally unavailable he was. I was smitten and when you talked about his ex, well, he was divorced and not a day went by that I was reminded or told of something that she did. His parents would come over and talk about his ex in front of me…in my home!! It was crazy. You are right, this third video really nailed it and brought it home for me. I come first now. I deserve to be with someone that treats me like I am his number one!!
Thanks again so much for all that you do!!
You are awesome!!
You always come first – YOU are #1.
Love the videos, entertaining and insightful..
Its exactly what us woman need. To hear the truth
from a man. Happy Hoildays, cant wait to see more
Dear Adam, I am in a great relationship right now and I feel like he is really committed because he tells me that he wants to be with me and he loves me and we are engaged. I want to keep him in my life. I need help on what to do after you have a guy who is committed and how to keep him committed to me. I have noticed a couple things on there that he has done. This still gives me good insight. I just want to know how to keep him committed.
Read ‘Why men love a Bitches’. Will teach how to keep him treating you well. Basically your actions (NOT your words or requests, nagging etc) will keep him keen and putting his best behaviour forward. Good luck. 🙂
Hi Adam,Love the videos they are very interesting. I have been with this guy for almost 22 years, but he has never been into sex much.
it was always me who initiated it when I ever wanted it. he still doesn’t and he tells me loves me but he never shows me. what should I do.2009
I was also told by doctors i was infertile would never get have children, by some miracle we had sex one time initiated by me and I ended up getting pregnant. my son 6yrs old and we have been sleeping separate rooms since. Like tells me hw loves me but there is never any intimacy between us. I told him i’m not happy with the lack of intimacy and he says I know, but never does anything about it.
Could really use your advice so frustrated.
Dump him! That’s not love. You live like a brother and sister. Take birth control pill or buy a box of condoms if you still want to keep trying. But recognize that 22 years is way too long! He never offered marriage and doesn’t want you. YOU DESERVE BETTER! LISTEN TO ADAM!
I had a similar situation. I was married 25 years. After my children were born we moved into a sexless marriage unless I pushed for it.
I recently learned he was gay. The entire time he knew but married me anyway.
Now I am starting over in every way imaginable. Tough, but at least I now know it was not me and have the chance to find real love, intimacy, sex, and all the things I was missing before. I never imagined I would be in this position. I wish you the best of luck.
Thanks so much
I learned a lot from this video…now I realized that my man is not yet emotionally unavailable…sad but need to accept the truth…
Thanks Adam,being out of the dating scene for years, ,I’ve had to relearn men all over again. Your videos are very insightful and I’m learning a lot and applying them to my dating and myself.
The guy I have been seeing for a year now has said he doesn’t want to get serious with ANYONE right now but yet his body language and actions say different. We see each other once a week because of his work schedule ,maybe twice if possible we text everyday and he
Always wants to know how I am .we have never been away from my house but he knows most of my family.
My question is do I give him more time or cut and run.see I know he had just gotten divorced 7 months before we met.and Yes I have feelings for him.and he says he cares deeply about Mr but just isn’t ready to be serious .HELP!!!!
the thing is it takes weeks for attraction and love to hit maybe even 6 months……..especially when your over 40…..
Omg thank u so much these videos are awesome i just wish i learned about them sooner and from any other source….unfortunately a girl that picked on me in high school used ur exact steps to drive a huge wedge between my ex and i, he has since seen ur sight and is embarrassed that he fell for it and since after she hurt us both and caused damage that cant be forgivin she laughed and then poofed on him lol but its just proff how right u are and how much was missing from the relationship and how much i was doing all wrong..
This is difficultAdam and
I apsolutly love what learnt listen with all your advise as it was not like this in our day but it sort of was but women put up with all the nonsence and goings on
.I am 80 He and he is 82. Both of us were married 40/50 years and now single. I have had a 10 year relationship wit a Norwegian at a distance but won’t go there now. I have been a celebrity in South Africa in the fashion world still in good nick and am told I don’t look my age .I am easily recognised and out there so I could be a bit intimidating .The man I have fallen for good looking and the answer to sexy widows . Soon after he became single he found another girl friend and been with her for four years. Not interested in sex and it has become a is big problem .i come along full of personality and fun. I have t tell you we have known each other since teenagers he lived down the road with his identical twin . He asked me out when the cirl friend was away for old times sake !!!.It was instant our attraction bingo !! and has been like that for two years .He is not in a committed relationship with this women She just keeps on asking him to marry her as she is very religious and I think manipulative ,which he says is the last thing he wants at his age .I agree with that myself she lives and owns a Game Farm and he goes three times a year.h She begs to com to Cape Town where I live as it is boring up there and he is now getting fed up with the whole situation. I don’t know if I should hold on to what I have as I really love this man,but is is an emotional ride for me, He says he should not have got this involved as I live nearby and I do think there is more to our connection than just sex . Now you have not been 80+ so to is difficult as time is short and I very much doudt at our
Thanks for a real good insight to the male mind. Helps a lot in reading men better and avoiding the wrong ones.
You are very welcome Darnell 🙂
I would like to participate in the Emotional Connection course.
We open the doors soon!
Loved loved this video. After watching it I felt like a weight was lifted from me. I know that sounds weird. I have no other way of describing what I felt. I look back on the last relationship I had. Now I know my choice was correct in telling him to kick rocks. He fit all the 11, wow how blind was I?. Thank you so much Adam, you are truly the best. I’m so excited to start dating again. I feel so much more empowered. Kind of like I have a secret weapon.
You do have a secret weapon 🙂 The Emotional Attraction Formula!
Adam, please reach out and help Shala. She is is need of the very sort of knowledge that you impart onto people. Please give her several suggestions directly, such as the one’s in your most recent video – 11 signs he is not emotionally available.
I loved a guy who flirted with all women/lived a double life/lied/pushed me away/run from me. He just wanted sex maybe and wanted me to not have any of my own opinions…only reflect back to him what he believed like a mirror. He was narcissistic. I have not dated for 15 years and still think about him daily. I ask God to bless him. He charmed all women like a celebrity and they all fell in love with him and one by one he pushed them away. He has a new girlfriend every 6 months since the women see him flirting with others and can’t make it work sine he is not mentally/emotionally healthy. He leaves a trail of broken hearts behind him. He thinks he is doing the woman a favor since they dress up for him and he thinks he is getting them happy/healthy again, but he destroys them emotionally. I have walls up to men…fear and don’t want to date…too scary..adrenals burned out. I want a guy who loves me for who I am, that I can be myself with.
I am sorry to tell you that no one can love you coz you suck at loving yourself. I am sorry that I am being so direct but that is my opinion when I read your comment. You are sick, seriously sick, you think you love and pray for the good of another very sick guy and you do good. No, you are just obsessed with him and you never loved him coz it is very clear it was obsession and 15 years wasted into that. You need professional help ASAP, but no one can help you if you do not wan to do it yourself. 15 years is plenty of time to realized something is very wrong with yourself. The wish you have is just a lie, a lie to yourself.
I’m so sorry that you had this experience. Falling for a conniving narcissistic can wreck you emotionally, and damage your trust in men. It’s not unnatural to miss them, even when you know they’re bad for you. There are some very good books at Amazon for recovering from narcissistic relationships. I recommend “Psychopath Free”, and anything by Lundy Bancroft. It might also help, if you can swing it, to work with a trauma counselor who has experience helping people recover from narcissistic relationships. God bless, you are not alone, and you deserve better.
Shasha, sounds like this guy is a sociopath. This is a mental health issue on the psychopath scale, no cure but behaviour awareness and management through specialist psychologist.
It’s hard to not repeat whT you’re familiar with, even though you know you are hurting yourself.
Ignore Layla, she’s just mean, but Ginny’s suggestion is good.
Thank you Adam
I love your wonderful videos and have been watching a lot of your stuff on YouTube…I find your information very insightful and very helpful.Im a single 45 year old woman with a terrible track record when it comes to guys and watching your videos has been a very rude awakening but one I needed…..I have wasted and invested time in the wrong men and now i feel that with your guidance I can start to think about what I need in a man…..to be honest I’m really enjoying my single life…more now than ever and with the right tools I know I will find someone wonderful…..I love your “moving forward” statements……I hear that a lot…so that’s what I’m doing moving forward.
Thank you buddy for your help.
Your kiwi buddy Claire
Sounds like a perfect plan – I’m so happy you’re enjoying your single life – that’s step #1!
I am sorry to tell you that no one can love you coz you suck at loving yourself. I am sorry that I am being so direct but that is my opinion when I read your comment. You are sick, seriously sick, you think you love and pray for the good of another very sick guy and you do good. No, you are just obsessed with him and you never loved him coz it is very clear it was obsession and 15 years wasted into that. You need professional help ASAP, but no one can help you if you do not wan to do it yourself. 15 years is plenty of time to realized something is very wrong with yourself. The wish you have is just a lie, a lie to yourself.
Claire, sorry these replies were not meant for your comment. I tried to erase them but I sucked at it 😀
Reply to Shasha,
I spoke to someone as well, who sounds exactly who you are
describing and trust me its time to move along. This guy is a
womanizer clear and cut dry. Until he grows up or gets over
the merry go round he is on, he is not going to change. I don’t think this
obsession is healthy. He might be charming but, did he ever give
you what you emotionally needed? I can bet he didn’t.
Its time to look inward and figure out why you still think of a
situation that wasn’t healthy for you and ask yourself why?
I refer to this as a situation not relationship because that’s what
it is. I hope for your well being you figure it out. Take Care and
hope you find someone healthy for you in the future.
WHOA WHOA WHOA Layla. It is not fair to tell someone that they are unlovable because they don’t love themselves. To tell her that may be making her feel like more of a failure. I have general anxiety disorder and self esteem anxiety. While I think you are trying to help, you could actually be doing more harm.Please be careful with what you say and how you say it.
Thank you Adam for all your great videos!:-)
I can’t wait to see the next video! 😀
Another great video!! An actual checklist, instead of friends saying “he’s not that into you”….well there it is, in black and white – no more guessing and No More investing Waaay too much into a guy that doesn’t invest in me! I am a high quality, sexy, confident woman, who deserves a great guy :-))
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Kelly
You’re very welcome Kelly!!
Thank you Adam for this awesome check list! You are truly the big brother I’ve never had.
I made some of these mistakes in the past. Even though I am not dating a man at the moment this check list will absolutely help me in the future.
Implementation - Assistant.com
Love your videos and need to acknowledge you. I just found your site on YouTube a few weeks back and I actually had an Adam Lodolce video marathon. Love your advice and wish I had it as a younger woman. I’ve learned so much here and I am in a solid relationship for the past 8months but I want to keep it solid, I’m trying not to get comfortable and take him for granted or allow him to do the same because he has all that I want but as you said women whom require a lot often are paired with men that require a lot and wow is he a lot of work but I love making him happy. Anyway, Love your presentation and you’re information and I look forward to whatever you have coming next. Thank you!
I have been in a relationship with a guy that was emotionally unavailable and he never had time for me. I am never doing that in the future again. I will not date emotionally unavailable men. I want respect, love, affection, commitment, devotion, passion, a spark… I want all in love!
I think my perception of men and how they thought about women was very very absurd before I find your website.before i found your website I thought men are very very confusing creatures.
thank god I found you
you have answered a lot of my question regarding men and relationship
i have searched for this kind of information for 2 years! and yet didn’t find anything that makes sense
i`m 24 years old virgin though i have a beautiful face that makes heads turn ; i`ve been in such a confusion about men that made me hesitant about starting any relationship with guys.
I want true love!
Thanks a lot for all your informative and eye opening messages. Adam, my kind of bf (I even don’t know if he is one) out of 11 meets 9 criteria’s of not being available, the problem is how to tell myself- that really knows even he is not there for you- to distance, stop trying to keep contact and being treated like nobody.
Have the talk with him. Let him know where you stand and what you’re looking for. If he starts telling you stupid things like “baby I wanna be with you, I love you blah blah, blah” you know none of it is true. Ignore it. tell him has to go.
Wow…BEST yet and so accurately describes the man who just broke it off with me because I questioned why he never followed through. He called me crazy jealous. I just wanted to know where we stood, after all he told me he loved me and said he wanted to marry me. Yet communication was only when he wanted to communicate.
Thank you Adam for your videos, you are my new bible!!!
Straight forward and solid advice. Loved it.
Thank you Adam..I love this..
Great video. Checklist is dead on. I think the important take away is not to figure out if a guy “loves you” or has feelings for you, its is he can be emotionally open. I’ve been dating a guy off and on for a year. I know he loves me by many factors but I know through many signs that he is emotionally unavailable and will not be able to be vulnerable with me or connect with me on a deep emotional level. My ex-husband loved me, but this love left me feeling empty and alone. If he can’t connect with you, your relationship will feel very one sided, even if he claims it isn’t.
Thanks Adam, great job
Dude, you rock. 😉
Thank you for all these wonderful videos. Not only are they inspirational, they are also useful and practical. We can all take these steps to move forward to our goals of getting into a wonderful relationship.
Hi Adam your video’s are helpful…
what I gather from them is a man is not going to change! If he is a certain way now..it will probably stay the same..I am with a guy now that I care for a great deal.. but mid way through our dating relationship he mentioned he did’nt like french kissing! ( I love kissing all kinds) I was almost brought to tears and said to him I wish I would have known this sooner this probably won’t work
in which he replied Quickly I can work on it..
we moved in together..and guess what he never initiates any kissing let alone french…
any advice..is thier any hope this can change???
Loved this video! Opened my eyes to see that I have had a lot of these guys in my life. Ready to date guys that I am emotionally attracted to. No more wasted effort on guys that never have time for me.
Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!….He Fit Every one…..I am very hurt but going to move on….He always never let me meet his family…..He even told me he loved me…..
This video is awesome! I just got out of a situation where the guy said he wasn’t looking for anything serious, and I wasn’t either, until we hooked up and I fell in “love.” I feel like if I had just been cool the whole time, we might have been great friends if not more. But I got super attached and asked for a relationship when he wasn’t ready. He told me he was going to get busy with work and started traveling a lot. So I told him he was too unavailable and didn’t want to see him any more. This was three weeks ago and it still really hurts because I miss him.
This is way off topic, but when there is a close-up shot your long eyelashes are just adorbs.
Thanks for always giving great advice!
What if he says he is not interested, but the actions show he does?
He’s probably just very needy and is getting attention from anyone who’s willing to give it. Sadly that is you. He’s using you, let him go. Or maybe he is hurting and just needs support,…but yeah I still see that as using you. Sorry :s
We broke up with my boyfriend last month. I keep asking myself if it is my fault of my break up. after watching this video, i realize that he is emotional unavailable.
Adam you are truly a blessing to me..I found what I thought was a great guy that was Heaven sent just for me so I cane on strong at first then I slowed things down but now he doesn’t call me text me come see me which he really hasn’t before and comparing him to your checklist I can mark him off for 10 things from the 11 things listed on your emotionally unavailable check list and I realize it is time to kick him to the curve and move on with my life..all this time I thought he was a blessing but he’s ben burdening me down without me realizing it..thank u so much!!!
I appreciate sex confidence, it has really change my relationship life for good, now I know when a guy is not into me and also move on with my life.
Adam, it’s amazing for me to see all of these consistent comments from so many women. What you teach seems like common sense, however, most women have never had men explain these insights to us and society doesn’t allow women to talk or ask questions about these failing relationships.
I have come across a few of these sings in the the men that I have been with. The main ones have to be number 3 and number 11. They really apply to one guy in particular though. I have known him for a few years, he would have a girlfriend when I don’t have a boyfriend or vice versa. We would talk for weeks to months and then stop for weeks to months. I also hardly ever get invited to things he does with his friends. If we do hang out, its a movie at his place which leads to other things. I have also brought up sorta the relationship talk with him a few times, but he just puts if off or make up some excuse to talk about it. Thanks to this video and my own reasoning, I know what I have to do or should do. But it is just hard, because I don’t have many friends and I have always been the shy quiet girl. So don’t want to loose a friend/some one to hang out with. So thank-you for your videos, to really get me thinking on how I should pursue the situation. I will be on the look out for the Emotional Attraction Formula course as well.
I suggest maybe reading self help books on how to be more social. You need support in your life. You don’t need a lot of friends but you need true friends who are going to lift you up. Breaking out of your shy shell can be scary. I used to be shy, but I promise you it’s so liberating to be able to talk and share all of your thoughts especially with people who love and support you. I hope you will get out of that relationship with that guy. I wouldn’t even keep him as a friend he sounds toxic.
Thank you for sharing these videos, Adam. They have given me the opportunity to look at my thought process and how I feel about & treat myself.
I feel crazy stupid. I’ve known these signs of Emotional Unavailability and Emotional Attraction Principles for some time, but I STILL end up in relationships with men who aren’t emotionally available. I’ve been the ‘Buddy” since middle school. Guys love that I’m into sports, outdoors activities, am mechanically inclined, and can get down something fierce in the kitchen. They like me, their parents love me and want to plan our wedding. I feel I settle too easy and I’m beginning to see how much of a reflection they are on how I feel about myself.
You don’t get what you give; you get what you are willing to accept.
Each video ads to my insighful maturity in my own ownership..Awesome
thank you for the cool vid! Reading your list I’m getting quite confuse, though. He doesn’t make anything from the list except for number 1 and 11. And number 7 he does it somehow the opposite way, i.e. he does so very wonderful things for me. But what he says (for example number 1 and 11) doesn’t correspond to what he does. May I ask, please, do you have any idea what that could mean ?? All that discourages me so much and I don’t know what I should do and think…
Thanks a lot once again for the videos you release !
Can you give an example?
this guy who I was supposed to be dating after he begged me to be his exclusive girlfriend blew me off for 4 fridays in a row making excuses that it’s guys night! And making excuses on Saturday nights as well. Only takes me out for a quick dinner during the week. I told I was done he can have his friends. He stated that he could make him self be in a committed relationship. It was a brick wall he couldn’t get thru.. what a waste of my emotions!!
LOVE your video’s ! Love the way you present information…clean and to the point. I can understand and don’t have to try to interpret what you are saying. I am 60 years old, divorced. I have one guy that pretty much matches all except the one of meeting my family…We are going to a family function tonight !! I have to keep telling my self that he is just a good friend.
Thank you for the video
Thanks for this video. What about a man who claims he’s never had loving feelings for anyone, including the only girlfriend he’s ever had? He claims that even though he and his ex were together for a year he didn’t feel love despite having told her a few times he loved her. He claimed it was more out of convenience as he wanted to know what being in a relationship felt like and they worked together. What confuses me is that he’s loving and affectionate and sent mixed signals in the beginning, claiming he wanted to fall in love (he told me this on the first date) despite later saying he didn’t want a gf just sex. I gave up on the idea of having a relationship with him and thought i could handle being casual Or yes i made the mistake of thinking i could win him over so i broke all of the high value woman rules. A week after we got intimate he was already getting another girl’s number. I moved on shortly after realizing as much as I wanted to be casual I could not handle it as I had already become infatuated by the way he acted towards me on the first few dates (generous, thoughtful, caring, affectionate) which I didn’t experience in my last few relationships so I suppose I did get over excited and maybe pushed him away with not playing it as cool. In reality, hes a lot more sex crazed and addicted to many things which didnt come up until later dates. Was being incapable of love it all just an excuse because I messed up or is he really emotionally unavailable? I notice he’s not as active on the dating site he used to be (making me think he might be investing in this other girl) on and it’s making me worry, was it just me because I broke the rules? I know it doesn’t matter now as he’s not worth pursuing but I still keep wondering.
Maybe find something to distract your mind with, he doesn’t seem worth thinking about. If he doesn’t even seem to know what he wants and you do, why waste your time and energy on him?
This is brilliant Adam!
Thank you Xx
Thanks so much Adam. Ur 2 nd principal is really working out for me. Hope to receive new videos soon
Thanks, from now on no more emotionally unavailable men !
I get what you said and those experiences in the past caused me to choose to enjoy my single life… and yet there are strategies to folllow, and it makes sense to increase ones numbers and potential possibilities. I’ve dated at least one of each of those in my past. My friends told me my standards were too high… i just do not know.
Then your friends don’t understand what it is to have emotionally available men, but your gut feeling seemed to have guided you in the right direction since you’re not with them anymore right? and now you have this guide that only confirms your thoughts.
It is so true what you just said, but is it applicable to any man from any nationality? I have been meeting men from different part of the world and realized that what is applicable in one country may not be applicable in another. What should I do?
Makes so much sense and I really connect with the simplicity of what the base line “rule” need to be in finding a loving relationship. Thank you so much Adam! I am finding that after doing a bunch of self-love work over the past few years, I understand more when to “hold-em” and when to “fold-em”. Thanks!!
This Video had tought me a lot today….thanks so much Adam, am even sharing tears right…because what all you said touches me…and some of those things are happening to me right now in my relationship. Once again thanks Adam.
Since I started listening to your videos everything makes sense. I think us women know these things but we refuse to believe it or apply it because of our self esteem. But having someone else tell you these things, a person that doesn’t have a clue of what’s going on in your love life, is like a light coming on and realization that OMG what have I been doing. You are awesome and continue doing a good job.
This is what I needed to see/hear!!
Thank you Adam, I am going to keep this checklist with me every time and a red marker pen too.
Love your pointers , but would like to have a checklist of questions to ask BEFORE I agree to date someone……to get a sense of emotional availability and honesty. Some questions are obvious, like are you married, are you actively dating? What else could help us get a sense of a man? To invest 1,2 or 3 months to figure stuff out is an awful long time.
Nice video. Thank you, Adam.
I’m seeing a guy for 2 months already and he is everything I’m looking for. We connect in a way that scares me sometimes and he seems emotionally available. But he works in a hotel so his working schedule is crazy and I am off for a whole month (time to prepare for exams) so I have a lot of “free time”.
He is almost perfect, really. I was honest from the beginning about wanting a relationship and he said he did too, so we got to know each other and last week he said he loved me, which is a good sign!
But then he doesn’t talk to me in days. He doesn’t text, he doesn’t call… he just disappears for 2 or 3 days and then shows up again. I want to tell him that for me it is important to know he thinks about me. I need him to at least text me. How do I do it without sounding needy?
Adam, I agree with Kim. I would like more signs of navigability before I get into a relationship with someone. Like maybe by date 3 or 4? I know one guy was just looking for a “booty call” when he mentioned sex every conversation, but it was as obvious when the guy doesn’t talk about it and “acts” like he cares more than he is saying. You know the “mixed messages”. Thanks!
That’s interesting one..
listen to your intuition..
Everything is perfect but…that “little disappearing thing” is not a good thing
I would ask him why he does that.
I always think: at least they can say:Morning,i will be busy today,but I’ ll call you tomorrow”
I think the best advice ever is:Pay more attention to his actions than his words!
I have really enjoyed your videos so far and learned some hard truths I really didn’t want to face. I have always been attracted to the wrong type of guy, deep down I knew it so therefore I had no problem if I accidentally hurt them. I know it sounds stupid because in the long run I am the one who would get hurt. After watching the ’11 signs he is emotionally unavailable’ video, I could check every single thing on that list with my ex. I finally stood up for myself not that long ago when I found him with another woman. I am 31 years old and you are definitely right when you say I deserve to be #1. I can’t wait for your next video! Thank you so much!
I have never been in men’s locker room, but I have heard some stories from kick boxing trainings. That is how I found out that my boyfriend already has girlfriend (my brother heard it from his trainer). At first he was denying it, but later admitted and asked me to at least be friends. Of course, I didn’t accepted, who wants that kind of a friend. Good thing in everything is that we only had one kiss and I even didn’t liked him, both physically and his personality. Back then I was insecure 18 years old girl with low self confidence, thinking that no man would never like me, not to mention love me. I always felt like an ugly duckling next to my sister, and I was flattered that someone chose me not her. Thanks God, with years I have realized my worth, what I want and deserve, and I would rather die than settle for anything less, even if that means that I will stay alone my whole life.
Thank you, Mr. LoDolce, I like your videos, from you I’m learning things about men, that I hadn’t heard from my dad and my brother.
Thank you for sharing this information. It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve had a relationship and every guy I’ve dated has only wanted sex! Dating has been extremely frustrating with the constant manipulation from 1 type of man. This time I’m educating myself and I appreciate you for helping to have the right behavior and observation to pick a great guy!
Thanks for the checklist Adam! I guess I am seeing someone who clearly is not interested in a relationship. Your checklist really shed some light on quite a few points to consider. The fact that he and I have just been “friends” now for the last 2 years and he still has not “made up his mind” so to speak…if he is ready for a relationship or not. He continues to tell me that he just wants to take things slow. I was ok with that as long as there was eventual progress toward a relationship, but so far I only have a really good “buddy”. I care for him and never would want to hurt his feelings, but maybe its time I move on. Thanks for advice. 🙂
Sometimes I think that subconsciously I knew these things but for varied reasons I ignored them. I have been working a lot on myself in the last two years which has helped me understand my way of thinking and behaving; as well as the type of men I have gone for in the past. For example, my ex said all the right things (even that he wanted to marry me!) but he couldn’t open up emotionally and then I found out he had been lying to me about small things for quite some time. It takes courage to get out of an unhealthy relationship…but I did it! Now I want to avoid getting into them in the first place and your videos will help me identify healthy, emotionally available guys. Thanks Adam, it’s a jungle out there! haha!
You’re officially my little brother. Thanks for the straightforward advice.
Love this very much!
You’re awesome! Glad I found you!
Thank you for the advice, our intution tells us when something is wrong but we somehow go ahead with the hope to win the guy over which will not happen if he was not willing in the first place, this is one of those validating AHA! Moment, thank you for sharing:-)
I am seeing someone who is definitely emotionally unavailable – what kind of conversation do I have. There is a lot behind his issue, but I am obviously not the woman to help bring his walls down and I do desire to be with someone who is excited to be with me.
Thanks for all the good advice, They are absolutely helpful,
The checklist is great. It gives women information on how to evaluate potential partners. A guy met online 7 moths ago, we talked briefly lost touch started communicating last week then met up last Saturday. We had 4 dates in one week and he indicated he would like to see me this Sunday. Its very early days but will use this checklist to see how things progress.
1. Watch over the next 2 months for this one
2. Maybe initial excitement, but he is making the time. Will see if this continues. I am concerns that he is really into my looks.
3. He does ask, not a whole lot about me, my job, my country. I share where I find we have things in common.
4. Will have to watch this.
5. He has not mentioned any past relationship or asked about mine. He mostly talks about his family and a bit about work.
5. Will have to watch this. My initial impression is that he is honest. At the stage this is, where it can go anywhere, its like there is potential there, but depends on how things are nurtured then it can go wither way.
6. Will have to watch this one. Yesterday’s date has me a bit concerned. Everything was nice until end where he suddenly started kissing and pressing for more. he had a different vibe compared to previous dates, a bit distracted, less physical touch eg. pat on the shoulder the subtle ones. then after nearly 2 hours smashing face to mine. It was sudden.
7. Will have to watch this one. To my knowledge he has not lied. However, he will agree to the words I say e.g taking things slow. his response that’s how things should be. next date well, the end perplexed me.
8. Somehow I miscounted. GF 2-3 months, will see what happens. I am concerned about cultural barriers.
I had a good bf in the past who said he didn’t want to meet my mother and sister because he didn’t feel he was good enough to go before them. he didn’t think he would be ideal candidate based on his place in life at the time. I could understand his feelings and fears.
Um… wow. I married and divorced a man with all of these markers. Kinda wish I knew then what I know now…
Wow! What an eye opener…. I recently moved out of my boyfriends house and am now on my own again. As I look back I can now see how emotionally unavailable he actually was. I have met someone else and I can see all of these same characteristics with him also. I will not make the same mistake again. The first time I wasted a year. I have only known this new person since February. So only a couple of months, but after seeing this it is like a light bulb went off in my head. I deserve better than this and I am not settling anymore. I deserve to be loved and cherished by a man and not to be an option or second choice to anyone else. I deserve love and happiness as everyone does Thank you so much for this! Take Care!
Nice to know there are emotionally available men out there 😉 I have met quite a few that said they weren’t looking for relationship and I was able to turn that chemistry into some of the strongest friendships I have. Your ideas are spot on – thanks for the support!
Thank you Adam. Sometimes all you need is someone to tell you clearly to stop putting yourself in impossible situations. I’d love to believe that I can change someone’s ideas. I do still believe that, but I realise I can’t change their feelings towards me. I’m convinced that we would be great together, but he’s not there emotionally. This video gave me the courage to literally delete him from my life. I will move on and he will come back and it will be too late, because that’s how it always goes.. Can’t wait to find the a guy with who I’ll be in sync. Thank you for giving us the weapons to fight in this battlefield of love 😛
Thank you for the no-nonsense reminder. Embarrassed to admit this describes almost exactly the last guy I wasted waaaay too much time on (except he was a pathological liar in the end too). Never again. The key is to get out way before you get attached. I think they show these signs pretty quickly. Thanks!
My EX husband used to display almost every one of these!
Thank you for the video! Unfortunately, I dated my best friend and he showed only two of these signs…while he dated. Then, towards the end, he displayed more of these, and I broke up with him. This didn’t really make me feel better. Three months after we broke up, in a really intense conversation, he told me that we was depressed. There are more details on the Unity form, and I have no idea what to do. Please help me! Thank you.
Hi Adam. Thank you for your videos!
I met a guy on Tinder recently. He has been very curious about me and my life and eager to set a date with me. However, he doesn’t talk to me for long every day and hasn’t set the exact meeting time for the date though we’ve worked out the day. So I told him about how I felt just now.
Very eye-opening! I’m dating a guy that displays at least 8 of these signs and much of these behaviors have come up in recent conversations. I’ve called him out on his ‘interest in me’. He says if he weren’t interested we would not be dating. My biggest pet-peeve with him is the lack of engaging with me when we are not together. We’ve been dating now 3 months and he still says he doesn’t want a girlfriend and the drama that goes with it. Your video really puts things into perspective and validates what I’ve been thinking and saying to him. Needless to say, I have a goal to begin the process of being emotionally unavailable to him. My good sense say he just wants my friendship but no girlfriend commitment.
Thank you Adam for revealing the mind of men because I am zero knowledge about them.
I will follow your advice and I hope I will meet the perfect man for me.
I was in a very abusive relationship a few years ago. Needless to say been not wanting to date. After watching some of your videos, they have helped me feel like I might want to again.Thank you for all your positive words and encouragements.
Brabantse Motor Girl
Really inspiring and indeed managing ‘us’ women who didn’t understand and interprete the right signs!
I missed some ‘good fish’ cause I was shy and didn’t understand the hints of several men…ending up with the wrong ones and… even now at this present, waiting for a guy I met a year ago who I started to date 1.5 month, 5 times…ending up with: e.g. #2 :/ jaiks
What is the best, cold war and from now just ignoring, of sending the guy a crash report with a big POINT/PERIOD/FINAL/HISTORY. 🙂
anyway, this is not what I want…not happy waiting4him, no waiting no more! So just doing the checklists of the other vids 🙂 making a great life as a single and keep on moving. Great motivator&inspiror you are, thnx!
Hi Adam, thnx4your vids. they are good! question: how to ‘dump’ a guy, if these signs occur, than what? how to tell the date?
Someone today told me that sometimes a guy likes to be chased sometimes too. I told I wouldn’t, I will listen to you Adam, cause of the completion in the lovelife I want to have.
like video’s Adam.
yes, I would like know what do or say to man when is not emotional available?
move on or tell my date who is not interest in me, only 1 time in week.
me is not happy now.
thank you Adam.
Hi Adam. …….Thank you for the advice in this video absolutely awesome it’s teach me a lot about men. I seen someone almost a year, but he never say how he feels about me. We used to go have lunch twice a month and then one a month, now almost two months he hasn’t ask me to go for lunch and I’m always text him first if don’t text him, he not text me. So what can do Adam?
I was communicating with this guy online for about 4 months. Then all of a sudden he stopped. So, I thought that something had happened to him, so I called his brother and got the guys phone number without his permission. I called and he answered, I told him who it was and he told me to call him later on but I didn’t. Then I tried calling him and he blocked my number. How can I fix that?
that is something you don’t even try fixing!!!
here are couple of examples from the times i left behind recently (called WHEN I WAS STUPID AND DESPERATE)
i met one like yours, on line,he was warm and honest, than cold and distant
then he said:if i want to connect with you that doesn’t mean i don’t want to connect with other girls??!!
i said ok, but why not do that one at the time?
He talked to me for months and never gave me his phone and he told me I was stuff of his dreams,I did not like so much about his life but we had a soul connection.. and..he told me that I should go and find someone better than him,
I offered him my friendship he did not care..I left it there…never heard of him again..
The other one;He showed every sign he liked me so I approached him after 8 months bc he was shy and younger and we met where he worked so I thought he was not allowed to approach me.
he told me he had a girlfriend and i said ok but i want to stay in touch for a while bc i fell in love with you i cant just forget about you like you never existed..I gave him a xmas gift…not even a thank you from him than i wanted to wish him a happy new year and i realized he blocked me and that was a closure for me
Now I think”what the hell were you thinking???
I am ok with showing the man i like that i care even approaching first, but since I am older and i know one thing for sure:
YOU NEVER CHASE MEN, YOU NEVER GIVE THEM YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND YOU NEVER NEVER NEEEEVER ASK FOR THEIRS
IF HE WANTS YOU, HE WILL COME TO YOU!
this guy rejected you in the most cruel way TWICE!!!
LET HIM GO,HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU
IT IS THAT SIMPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized that I was married to a man for 15 years that fits this description of an emotionally unavailable man. No wonder it’s been hard going back into the dating scene. My experience has been that men “are work”, that relationships are draining and “take” from me. I’m no longer willing to play that role, but I need to learn a different way. Thanks, Adam
#10 – wow!!! That was the nail in his coffin! I could never figure out why he just ‘disappeared’ whenever he didn’t like something I had to say. #10 described his behaviour Exactly! What a revelation. Thank you.
Thanks I now know that I can never change a guys feelings towards me wow thanks a
I have been dating a guy for 15 months… the first 7 we were “Friends with Benefits” and then when I started to see other people he decided to “upgrade” us to a couple. Things were great – or so I thought. He won’t come to my house (been there 4 times in 15 months), We only see each other on Saturday evening. I have only been spending the night the past 5 months, This list has really opened my eyes. After video 2 I had a heart to heart conversation with him. I even gave him this list…where he hit all 11! I told him that the longer he keeps his walls up, the more I am going to withdraw from the relationship. We will see what happens. Until then…. do I still get out there and see if Mr. Right (and available) is out there, or do I sit tight and wait to see if my guy gets a clue?
Mr.adam did click already but always shutting down..is this off already? Cant see the 11 signs..how will i know?
Thank you Adam for this awesome check list! You are truly Best friend I’ve never had.
Have a nice day
With love from
Definitely had some toads in the past that hit all your points. Current person in my life though hits more the point of fear that is in on of your other videos. Currently just given him the space to figure things out though he is in constant contact but while he tries to figure himself out as he did state to he never felt like this before and is afraid I will break his heart, I’m still dating others and continuing with my fabulous life. I figure these are things he needs to deal with it himself and I will give him a chance as chemistry is amazing with him but within a time limit as I’m not one to wait forever…
I could have used this years ago.
WOW! Thank you Adam for sharing this check list with us women! The man I was seeing for 3 months showed 7 out of the 11 signs & I put up with it till 2 days ago! What an eye opener & time to move on! Thanks again & I look forward to video #4!
Sooooo simple yet so profound!
Dear Adam, what an invaluable favor you did to a female community! You have such a simple way to explain such complicated thuths… Nobody taught us what to look into a man. What traits and signs are more important than others. Please accept my gratitude and appreciation!
Thank you Adam for sharing the knowledge we all need. I always tend to think it’s something wrong with me and I wasn’t good enough for him to treat me better. And that a woman with better relationship skills or higher self-esteem than mine would have gotten all she wanted out of the very same guy. It’s a new concept for me that there are men who just need to be eliminated from my thoughts, avoided, discarded, no matter how attractive they seem to be.
I am one of those physically attractive women who care too much about looking the best everywhere at all times. And have always wondered why men choose mediocre looking or even plain unattractive girls while all those stunners are single and often dateless. I always suspected that ability to attract men and have successful relationships has nothing to do with whether a woman is attractive or smart. I really need to understand what is that I am lacking . Really looking forward to learning that from you.
I’m sitting here crying because I realize the guy that I’ve been dating has eight of these qualities somehow I’m in love with him but I realize he’s just a fraud.
Adam I wish I would’ve known about you almost 5 years ago I wouldn’t be in so much pain now but thank you.
Wowww…adam…thanks so much for detailed signs bout emotionally unavailable man. I learnt a lot from you. I like the way you present your teaching about other topics too. Very amusing , educating and entertaining at the same time. Your girlfriend should be happy to have you . ????
Dear Adam, i need to know what do you think about long distance relationships?
Really i need your help, i’m very confused.
A big hug from far away, besos dulce Adam.
All 3 of your videos have really great reminders, Thank you
So, I have no plans of committing to him and wouldn’t care if I didn’t see him again, but he has pushed me to grow and evolve more than anything else, so glad I met him, just know how to do things differently the next time round :D.
Some times in life, you have to go wrong before you can go right.
Thank you for the videos. I am fairly new in the single field, however you videos have enlightened me. Now, I have somewhat an understanding of the way a man thinks, act, and deal in the world of women.
Looking forward of see the final video. You ate heaven sent to us women.
This is very helpful. Thank you so much!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I so highly respect your REALNESS and your desire to help us women decipher what to look for as well as empowering us to love ourselves, believe in the POWER that we have and to acknowledge and believe in our own worth. It’s an incredible psychological phenomenon hat happens between what a man does and what a women “sees”, “hears” and “believes”…if we were to just look at it logically, we would not only see the truth much more easily but also alleviate ourselves from unnecessary misery and confusion.
as a wise friend told me one day as I bitched about the guy in my life and how I didn’t feel loved, cared about or important to him, she said “You just have to take him AS IS. Like walking into an “AS IS” store and picking him off the shelf, he just IS who he IS, nothing more nothing less and you either need to take him for what he IS or leave him for what he IS NOT that you need or want in your life, but you cannot go into the AS IS store and try to change that which just I.” And that…IS just it.
Namaste and THANK YOU again for putting out this video. YOU have given me the confirmation I needed today to push aside the guys who say “you are too strong, you need too much” when all I really need is the counter to the 11 you just depicted for us in the video. These men aren’t worth my time and I need to give them back their words and energy and march my own path to happiness. There has been ONE in my life, sadly he died 2 weeks after we were married 6 years ago today, HE was my example of a good man, a TRUE man, a man in love. Worth my time and me his.
THANK YOU for standing for us women. THANK YOU
the Eleven Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man was very informative and direct. I have been attracting this type of man for quite a few years. I’ve no idea why, and have spent hundreds of hours trying to figure it out. At least I’ve been getting better at spotting them and this video certainly validates those indicators that I’ve learned to look for. Thankyou, well done.
Thank-you so very much! I just came out of a relationship that went south for eternity. It should have never been in the first place and so I had to take a very emotional journeyto look internally at myself which drew me towards your videos. I cannot thank you enough for opening my eyes to a whole new way of life. You are awesome! I can’t wait to see more teaching….TY TY TY….
Thanks Adam for much interesting insight on the male brain! Can hardly wait for your program to be released! I made sure to sign up for the early bird!
Thank you for this video. It has given me the confirmation to trust my gut instincts. I had been talking to a guy I met online & straight away I was so interested in him. we exchanged numbers, facebook, social media sites etc.. one by one and I narrowed it down to just us texting. this was over a course of 6months! we have been ”just talking” not including a single phone call for 6months.. he never made a effort to come and see me or meet me but always invited me to his place. ofcourse i told him no everytime and my standards of I would never sleep with him. I dont know why he would keep texting me or make conversation at anytime of the day but would not come see me. i know he is a real person because I’ve watched his rugby games in person. I would confront him a number of times and tell him what I think of his actions and what i clearly want in a guy. I’ve always asked him what he wants but never would he tell me or tell me that he likes me. I told him from the start I have no intention of sleeping with him, so why would he be so persistent with texting me? we have done the whole no contact for a month scenario and I dated other guys but still he came right back to me and yes we are still back at square 1. I am so over him but he wont leave the situation alone. your videos help me to be strong and to remind me of my value 🙂 Thanks adam
Thank you for the video Adam. I am learning a lot about myself & the guys that I attract. The last 3 year relationship I had, he kept telling me over & over that he had a difficult time with commitment & relationships. He always brought up his horrible divorce (blah, blah, blah) thats how it sounded to me after I heard it so many times. Anyway I did not date for a while, work, work, work. After 2 years I am ready & went on to Match.com. A guy sought me out, came on really, really strong, said all the right words, he did share a lot about himself. We had a lot in common, with our Adult Children’s ages, our grand kids, we live 4 1/2 hours apart, drove twice to see me. In person he was not as affectionate as his text messages, the first time he left I did not hear from him until I reached out. The second time was weeks ago, he left for the day was going to contact me and come back, I sent him a text that day and I have never heard from him. Two days ago I saw him on Match.com. He re listed himself as a different name, age & the City & state he lives in. I feel like such an idiot, I keep replaying it in my head was I just played! I have his phone number & want to contact him, but then again why waist my time. I have at least 30 men that have emailed me in the last 3 days on Match.com. It’s been an incredible tough 2 weeks, and I don’t get it because he was talking about honesty, pulling on peoples heart strings, his ex wife & girlfriend cheated on him (he said).
I would like to sign up for the course. Thank you.
I recently dated a man who displayed all these signs. We even had the “I’m only dating you” convo. Obviously he was lying to avoid confrontation….and clearly I had the gut feeling he was not being truthful. One night after he fell asleep I snooped in his phone. Bad girl, I know. But I wanted to know. Not only did I see texts to many other women, but texts to some women saying incredibly mean and hurtful things about me. Which is funny considering that he was telling me that this specific girl was, “F##ing crazy” not 3 hours earlier. So instead of waking him up and yelling at him I simply deleted my number from his phone and deleted our text messages and have not spoken or heard from him since. Hey, at least he took my skydiving so I got something out of it! Your list is SPOT ON! Wish I had this when I started dating this terrible hurtful human being.
One thing that rings so true to me from this is that you ALWAYS have a choice of who you invest in emotionally. Always! Knowing that and just being aware of that is so powerful! Thanks for being you Adam! Love your stuff! you’re a rockstar.
I m near 64 years old lifelong single. Been out of dating a super long time. Videos are invaluable. this one identifies a pattern I am sadly all too familiar with like so many of us commenters. I am a slow goer right now but i wrote myself a “Relationship Manifesto” based on your principles.I truly enjoy my life. I turned a corner with my own emotional availability this year and responded to a very attractive man who has been flirting for a few weeks now. He hasn’t gotten off position yet which has actually given me time to get my feet under me.it was a surprise actually because the sparks fly— it remains to be seen if he is just a consummate flirt with friendly interest or more interest. I will be watching these signs pretty closely to avoid old patterns of my own. To prevent over investing at such an introductory stage, I gave myself beginner’s assignments to go out where men go, places I like myself like tool section of flea market, with the plan to just be friendly and make opportunities for chats. (I told you….slow…). It was very illuminating and hard work but I am determined not to overfocus on this attractive man who seems as slow as me (or a no go…to be determined). I even went out with a guy friend for a coffee date to divert my focus and remind myself of my extraordinary value and the extraordinary value i bring to all my relationships.
the investing I am doing now is in myself and a quality relational future. Takes a lot of courage, attention and perseverance…even with the clear illumination of these insights.Extraordinarily good material…
Wow! I wish I saw this video a year ago. I dated a guy for 10 months. I did think I could change him, but of course, that didn’t happen!
I will definitely use this list in future relationships.
Thank you Adam!
I love all your videos you saved me in many ways thank you
Great videos! When is secret video 4 coming?
OMG! Thank you! It’s NOT me, it’s him! You just gave me all it needed to finally let go. It’s been three very long years and it’s time to say- GOOD-BY|E Randy! Your loss!
i can not see him….. he is in the Syrian Arab Army….
He wants me to be happy, but i can not see him he is committed to his job…
i chat with him on the net he always asks for sexual pictures…
as you said he wants to make u happy to avoid confrontation but he wants me happy coz he is away from me.
the problem is he lies to me in everything even if it is a silly thing
Thanksa lot for your videos i like them all
So true. thanks
I have been seeing a guy casually for 1 1/2 months. He seems to be emotionally unavailable. He will contact me by text, we will see each other once a week & text a little between. I don’t want to chase but now I feel so emotionally attached. Their is a lot of chemistry & we get along great. I am very busy as is he. We text often but I would prefer a call. I do call him occassionaly. I get to a point where I don’t know if I am doing the wrong thing or the right thing. I feel that I should not have to think about picking up the phone or texting, that I can just do it. I sent the Insider text & the baiting text. The baiting text I sent last night, this AM he sent a text “morning hun” & I responsded good morning, how are you? I got no response. It snowed today, I sent a text with a picture of my front yard & said “let it snow”, no response yet. I would say there are 5 out of the 11 on the list that apply to my situation. I love your programs all of them, I listen to the videos when I feel out of control to bring me back to focus on 1 day at a time & that I do have a great life, and i am a great catch (person).
This one hit home for me… this week is the third time I’ve ended things with the guy I was seeing. I really hope it sticks this time, because he doesn’t care that while he was honest about NOT wanting a relationship, I was too. I told him I didn’t want some random guy to keep messaging me and telling me how he wanted me, etc. I wanted someone I could build a future with.
The biggest problem? Me. I let him back in, or even the last time, told him I missed him. I did miss him. I need to make sure I don’t make myself vulnerable to him again. It’s been six months of off and on again, and I really can’t take any more of it.
your so right and i thank you so much for opening my eyes to move forword
Your videos have been so informative and helpful so far. Thank you for making such great videos. Pleasenkeep up the wonderful work. But I was wondering of you would have any advice how to signal somebody you are interested butbyou inly meet that person like once a week 🙂 thank you again
Thanks for this video ! it makes sense ! I am with a guy who shows many of these signs, i know that it won’t go further but sometimes it’s just hard to move on….
All I can say is WOW! I’m speechless, the insights you reveal are dead on. Sometimes I kick myself because I “should have” seen the signs for myself. Frankly, my heart hurts right now because I had to end a relationship that I felt had the potential to be awesome. However, reality NEVER lived up to my hopes. On the checklist of the 11 emotionally unavailable signs he had 6. So I gotta tell ya, I feel very stupid, I’m over 40 and should have known better. So Adam thank you for your honesty, sometimes it’s painful, but the prize is finding a genuine, fulfilling relationship….. one day.
Hello Adam. Thank you for this amazing video
I didn’t plan on opening up cause i am always a very shy person to open up. Well let me open up about this video. First of all you have made me to shade tears because you reminded me of how my past was and how stupid i was. And now i am single but i met a guy online and we have been friends for five months now going to 6 months. The guy told me since i am young to him we can only be friends. And its when after i asked him. So we are friends and from that time on i started to treat him as a friend. And he changed. He could send me his pictures more often. Ask about how am doing and so on. So i allowed him to have a room, you know. So we do chat a lot because we have not meet yet. He talks to me even if his busy at work and he tells me about his plans. But he doesn’t ask about me he does that few times maybe because we do talk about everything so there is nothing much to ask. He never talks about his ex. He has never compared me to her because we are just friends. But there is something we were discussing and he said don’t tell me your bad in economics like other women? And i was said no. Well, he encourages me a lot and motivate me in anything that i want to do and he advice me a lot. Also for the past few weeks(since december 2015) things have change between us. We never discussed about Sex life but we started discussing it but not often but a lot has changed. He asked me when am i planning to go to his country because i was planning to go there and meet my friends. But i am not going anymore. But he is still so nice and a gentleman. I fail to know is he falling for me or is he already in love with me or what is this? Because the sign # 1 is what he said to me in August, that we can only be friends. Please advice me. Cause i need to know what does this mean? Men are very complex to understand them sometimes and only your techniques and experience helps us Ladies to understand men well. I want to know where we are standing cause i need to know if i need to cancel the attraction feelings we have between us. This video has opened my eyes and i know you will help me to know where do i stand with this guy.
Sarah, if a man is in love with you and REALLY wants to see you, he would make plans and arrangements to meet you! Either he would travel to wherever you are or he would get you where he is – because he WANTS to see you. Otherwise, he is just one of your friends you might visit one day…
I wish I had heard this 12+ yrs ago
Thank you Adam! your videos are helpful. In each of your videos, you send a message, which makes me feel more confidence,this word become for me important-CONFIDENCE!!!
Thanks Adam for this video too!
I spent the last 2.5 years with a wonderful man – who was and is emotionally unavailable.
We started 3 times (three!) but now it had to come to a final breakup.
Out of all this time, we had one half year together after the second start, which was beautiful and it seemed that we had found each other for life.
But even then, I could recognize some of these signs of unavailability – but I pushed them aside.
Next time I will listen to the little voice better and thanks to your advice, I will know more exactly what signs to look out for.
I feel like this is all so obvious and makes so much sense! Yet I still found myself prone to falling to these types years before.
This is a really empowering video! I feel more confident at every video I watch. I feel like I can actually, do something. Instead of feeling hopeless all the time.
This is helping me out a lot, as there is a guy who I currently know. He has treated me as a better priority than the guys I have known and liked in the past. I’ll see about joining the early bird’s program!
I’ve had the same person in my life for many years, almost embarrassed to say how many, we go back and forth, in and out of each other lives. Every-time I hope that he is now ready but it ends up the same thing, DEAD emotions from him. It is now getting worse and I leave his house lifeless and hate myself for excepting that type of relationship, no fire no anything, flat line. I recently told him “in a text” lol I can’t take it anymore, his feelings are lifeless with me and I”m out. I now have made the decision that I can’t take it anymore I will never get what I want from him “the light bulb when on” as long as I with him.
I call myself “dater hater” though I don’t like dating I guess I have too.
Thank you for trying to help us that want help..
OMG Adam!! I was married to a “man” who had almost, if not all of these signs!!! (2-4, 6-10). I’m happy to tell you that now I’m happily divorced and no longer have that toxic person next to me. Thank you for your tips and all of this information. What I really love from you is that you encourage us, women, to value ourselves, to love ourselves and that we are not second choice. Thank you Adam for all your motivation and your happy and energetic attitude!!
You just described a narcissist Adam! And, ladies a narcissist is not someone you ever want to make contact with. They are pure toxin. They are also physically abusive over time not just emotionally neglectful. The long term damage of being hooked up with a narc can be equated to PTSD from war trauma. Good info Adam. We are not going to be shuffled around and play seconds when you are done with us.
Thank you Adam for this video. I believe your words, as you speak from your heart. Thank You for being there for us.
Hi thank you #I am first priority.! I needed to hear that thanks a lot…..
Thanks Adam for such great insight! Would love to participate in any upcoming events.
VERY INTERESTING BEGAN TO WATCH THANK YOU ADAM))
Hi Adam, thank you so much for sharing with us.
i really love your videos . All your advice are right to the points.
Adam , i want the find out how to find the right one. Most the time i got the controlling, abusive ,jealousy man. 🙁
Thanks for sharing this video,I really appreciate it, because when I am in a relationship I don’t notice these sign that you mention, thanks for being honest, I want to make sure I will not end up in a toxic relationship again.
Hey, I love your videos. I like this guy, he works at a grocery store. I am interested in becoming friends with this guy, but considering I only see him at a grocery store it’s kind of hard to make a real connection or suggest the idea of hanging out. What are your inputs?
Thanks for sharing this video. This is exactly what I needed to hear.
Thanks for another valuable video!
So I’m dating a man who is mostly emotionally available – but…
there is something a bit off. And you nailed it.
I don’t want “mostly”, I want all! lol
His emotions are still tumbled/recovering from his former wife.
While he offers me his best most of the time, 80+%, he slides into vocal ruminating, which feels like I’m in a glider that lost lift!
He announced to his children, family and friends that I was his girlfriend, before he asked me!
Seems he assumed it’s a given because I slept with him?
I prefer he be one of the men I date, perhaps the only one I’m sleeping with, because it’s better for me to have a man’s full attention. My life is calm, undivided presence is what I offer. I enjoy receiving the same.
Thanks Adam, for empowering me to tell him I’m stepping back.
All the best!
Wow!! As you are putting them up there I am checking off all of them in the last two guys I have dated! I’m not sure whether to be happy or sad. This is definitely an eye opener and I am determined to change this. Your videos have been so helpful and I’m printing off the sheets and hanging them up as visual reminders. Keep the videos coming please. I have hope
I enjoyed your video’s about dating & emotional attraction formula. I would like to be on your early bird list.
I have enjoyed the video and it is an eye opener.
I loved the video. Thank you for sharing that. I have to a apologize because my english isn’t perfect.
But i have a question. You said that actions are more important than words. The guy i’m dateing right now just said that he doesn’t want anything serious (#1 hahah) but his actions are speaking differently.
He is gentle. he’s always asking me about my life and we settle a date at least one week before we actually go out. He is texting me all night when i’m out on a party and he’s not there just to make sure I’m allright.
One time he even ran behind my bus.
Because of his actions I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do. I actually wanted to “cancel” him but now I don’t know.
Please tell me. Should I let him go or do I give him another month and then see what happens?
I really need advice and this is the second time I have asked for it. I am pretty new to the hold message text thing. I have this friend that I have started having feelings for but he doesn’t live in the same state anymore. I live in NY he lives in Florida, we talk on messenger and reminisce and such but I would like more. Sometimes I think it’s too much for him and he backs off but the he tells me it’s not true he wasn’t feeling well or busy. He has a chronic pain condition from old injury. He will say he doesn’t want to not be single. But if I say I don’t he changes his answer, For example there was a post about being single and he said Awesome single life lol. And I said not all it’s cracked up to be, he answered me by saying, that’s true.
I really care for him and I don’t want to screw it up . I have no patience and it’s a real problem.
You can’t chose who you’re physically attracted to. For it is like that – if I’m in love with that person, then I become also physically attracted to, if I’m not in love so no physical attraction there.
Thank you so much for this video Adam! It just makes so much sense. I have been off and on long distance with someone for about a year and a half. He is a great guy, kind, smart, successful, but after an ugly divorce he is just emotionally unavailable to take the next step. After hearing your video, it just hit home that just because we have a great connection doesn’t mean that he is showing up emotionally or investing his time in me. It doesn’t always have to be that he is a bad guy, sometimes the timing is just off. Time to take a step back.
When a man is too busy being a single dad, running a company and taking care of his aging mother…what time is left over for me?
He may say he loves me..then when i check in what he is saying me ..he is not being upfront about who he really is..
I don’t have facts but i feel that he is trying to hide that he is Spanish and speaks Spanish?
I have no idea why he wants to hide that so i did not find it was important in the beginning..but then again
if someone hides his culture, it scares me.
Hi Adam and everybody 🙂 I’ve been subscribed to this channel for quite some time recently and, eventhough I’m quite young (I’m 18), it has already helped me a lot. Thank you so much for that!
I’ve been in a major dilemma this past month and a half and I’d really appreciate help :3
I’ve been dating a guy for 7 months until he suggested we pause the relationship. Firstly, a little more about the relationship itself: it has really been a beautiful relationship and we have had such a nice time. We are both very busy people with very high hopes and dreams so we didn’t have time to see each other too often, but we’d still manage somehow. I have really fallen in love with this guy and I’d do anything for him, until he sugested the pause.
He said that, since my finals are coming (here we have a form od SAT-s which we have to pass to enroll to a university) and since he has his university finals that we literally won’t have time for meeting each other or even talking. Plus, he was asked by his sister to watch her kid a few times a week since she had to do something else. Also he said that he doesn’t think it is a legit realationship if people don’t really spend enough time together and that he’d rather pause everything and not torchure himself with trying to fit in a relatinship into such a tight scedule he has. He said that he wouldn’t date anyone else and that he thinks that there wouldn’t be any problems with us getting back together. (Btw the pause would last for 2 months and a month has already passed.)
When I first heard this, I agreed with it because I know that this time right now is the most precious time for me since the amount of studying I do now will determine my future in a way. But then I got home and fell so heartbroken that I cried for hours. I told him that I disagree with such a pause and that if we’re trying to be in a legit relationship, we should be together through thick and thin. But he strongly opposed that and said that it’s stupid to forse a relationship if there isn’t any. I didn’t want to fight there anymore because I realised that he just didn’t want to be with me through this time. And I wasn’t gonna make anyone do anything they don’t want to.
Now my question is: should I take this guy back once another month passes and forget the whole thing (eventhough I am still crying at night – a month later – because I feel betrayed and that my love went to waste) or should I break up with him? He has been a really nice loving boyfriend before and my first legit love and I really dont want to let him go, but I still don’t want to be taken for granted…
And btw, since the split, he has texted me only once in a month to ask if I’m okay and we have literally exchanged 12 messages and nothing really since then.
I would REALLY appreciate some help with this since this is the only thing I think about right now and it’s basically driving me mad because I have so much more important thing to think about right now. :/ Thank you in advance ♡
I have questions about a relationship that started platonic and don’t know if I’m reading into little things besides the fact that we fundamentally agree on everything and conversation is easy. He’ll compliment me or my photos even if I’m acting silly (you’re very pretty you’re photogenic etc) or things like getting a random picture of a funny card from him saying it reminded me of him. Or I’m very smart. My friend said he had nothing but good things to say about me when she saw him. Or after not texting him over the weekend he responded “miss you “insert my last name here Bc we call each other by our last names. But he hasn’t said that often and openly.
we sort of both confide in each other about people pursuing us or dates we go on.
In the beginning before we got to know each other I think I put off that “air”
We met a few years ago and were both in situations that wouldn’t allow us to consider dating. Plus I honestly couldn’t stand him. Lol We ran into each other a few months ago and talk everyday since
He’s offered me to bring a guy around him so he can give what he says is an unbiased opinion from a straight male although his sarcasm indicates he already thinks the guy is a meat head. He called me after a girl went a little psycho on him and basically did everything you tell us not to do in your videos and asked me advice on how to handle it. He asks me about me when we talk. He listens with eye contact. I make him laugh. Things feel unusually organic to both of us. then he’ll throw things in like “you’ll just have to like the person i end up with” and I’m pretty sure that is him subtly letting me know that it won’t be me lol. But I lead with logic. Not sure if he’s just seeing how I’ll respond. Bc I guess I’ve sort have done the same thing.
So basically I’m wondering if a guy will just do those little things if he’s friend zoned her and is just being sincere ? Like hey you’re my platonic female friend I think is pretty smart funny and I I trust to confide in you and we both literally want exactly the same things but I’m going to keep choosing the bunny boilers ? sorry so long :/ I’m sure I’ll be directed to the hotline ?
How about a video on signs or how to tell if your guy friend wants more than just friendship?!?!
Hi Adam thank you for this videos they r really helpful …
I met a guy on a dating site 5 month ago ,the first time we talk I could tell he has a great heart ,he is compassionate he took care of he’s mom and dad .
He is been divorced for about 30 years
In the 5 month I have only met him 3 times and the only time he ask to meet me was the first time ,the last 2 I ask .
We will text and talk for about a week and half and he stops for a week and comes back and said he was busy ..
I have told him how I feel about him and how action speak louder than words and that his action tel me he is not interested in me or a relationship and he’s respond to That was that I worry to much …
I really feel that when he is getting to close he stays away ,I feel like a yo yo with my emotions and I will stop texting him and he comes back .for a couple of days then he will stop .
I don’t know what else to say to him ,I really like him but I can’t be with someone like that if he is not going to change .
Is there anything a can say ?
There’s this instructor at my university whom I’ve had the biggest crush on for 2 years. We got to know each other pretty well, even flirted a lot. Lots of playful interactions and touching. I can tell he’s attracted to me but he hasn’t made any initiative to move things forward, even after I’ve graduated. 2 years is a long time to be intoxicated with someone who doesn’t feel the same way! Time to move on! Thanks Adam.
Thanks for the video. It was very helpful. It opens my eyes to watch out for those emotionally unavailable guys. I’m looking forward to seeing more of your videos to help me with my dating life. Hopefully, I will find an amazing man to be with soon.
What an eye opener you’ve been.
Imagine, I am 44 years old, yet so many things about men & how they think are starting to make sense to me now.!!
Really, I believe learning about men/ women & how they think should be made compulsory as a subject at High School along with Mathematics, History, English, etc.
Think about it … I know HOW TO count because my first Grade Teacher taught me. I know HOW TO write because my English Teacher taught me.
The School Curriculum all over the world focuses on such subjects like chemical formulas, equations, etc, and whilst, yes, they do have their place, there is a missing chunk in the school curriculum … at High School/ College/ University … to add REAL VALUE in the students’ lives & that is Courses on how men / women think.!! The psychology behind a woman for boys & the psychology behind a man for girls.
I found myself more than 10 years ago, having Graduated with a BSc & an MBA, a wife & a mother of 2, that I knew absolutely NOTHING about men… knew absolutely NOTHING about how to be in a relationship with one, let alone how to even KNOW if he is the right one!! It’s crazy!!!
Really Adam, Thank You for sharing all this empowering wisdom with us. Mothers/Aunts/Fathers/Uncles/ Teachers etc… no one teaches us about this incredibly important subject, but only HOPE that things will turn out well in the end…HOPE that we will find that ideal mate … HOPE we will settle down …
For me, NO MORE HOPE DATING for sure. I resolve forthwith to be strategic in HOW I date, WHO I date & WHY I date this & that guy.
For the first time in my life, I realize I have ALL the power to determine my own destiny…I have the power to pick & choose WHO is WORTHY to be with me … instead of just settling & making do with crumbs!!
Thank you Adam ???.
You are doing a fantastic job & filling in a niche that really is missing in our lives, yet is so crucial!!!
They say, ‘When you empower a girl child, you empower a nation’.
I say, Adam, ‘when you empower us (women), you are empowering nations across the globe.’
Keep on empowering!!!
Ugh all these things are so clear. I am a still recovering dumpee as of late. Thinking back when we were together during the easy/fun times he was open and not so clammed up. As time went on and things got a bit more serious(we both met our parents and friends before first yr anniversary). especially when months before he broke up with me he was going through some deep thinking, he said he was confused about what to do as his parents wanted him to move back to his original city where he is from and that’s about 2 hours ago but he doesn’t want to go back. in my city he lives about 40 ish minutes away and his work literally was 9-10 mins away from my house. he kept his personal life changes from me, I didn’t know any of this new information until I confronted him at his work. After a month and a little over of not seeing one another and stopping contact eventually I had this wrenching feeling in the tummy. I’ve never liked someone so deeply and genuinely wanted to be with for the long run before. he told me on the last day that he was scared of long distance, he was afraid of commitment( we made it to year 1 but the last month was troubled), and the thing that hit home was when he said I don’t have anything left in so and so city which is where I live and where he works. He still works here, I see his car to this day.
great video i was going after the emotionally unavailable guys now i know what to look out for i can stop that
I had sent an email before stating my problem with the stalker who keeps following me for the past 1 1/2 yes almost. I didn’t get an email reply from you about it.
By going through ur different videos I’m not sure in which category he fall’s or do I.
He keeps stalking me through one side and so does his girl friends through other side to keep updating me. From childhood I’m being taught men are bad and still having a bad experience in my personal life and what I’m seeing around makes me go away from them to have a relationship.
At first this guy stalked by himself in his car and later I dndt give him a smile or wave whenever he tried from the car. He never got down from the car and ever approached me personally to talk or have a conversation. His body language seems that I need to walk up to him and talk. But in our culture guys approach women not the other way.
It’s not that I don’t like the guy but as I have a broken marriage where I’m just separated from my husband not yet divorced. It’s almost 4 yrs now we are separated He never wanted a girl like me as partner and did end marrying me for the sake of his mom. Once he went back to US, he started going back and finally told u have nothing similar to me and I’m a burden to him. So he dndt go further with the visa processing and left me.
With all having this in my mind I don’t want another guy to fall for me getting a bad name for their family. If he would have approached and talked with me I would have told this to him. But he keeps asking others about me to my colleagues. They ask me the questions what he wants to ask and sent him the message. I don’t know whether he is afraid or being creepy. Instead of knowing right from me he never asked me about myself. I have lot to study and do in my life. But thinking about all things in life I’m getting more frustrated and depressed that hardly I do anything for my career. Why still he is stalking me I don’t know if I’m not minding him. He made girlfriends and roaming with them but y all are stalking me now. I have no clue. But sometimes I think he needs a toy but then I think may be not. He always be in these women’s bed room. Who knows what he does there.
I think reading my message u think I’m mad. I need a man who treats himself as a man. Not girlish or child or who is weak to control himself and always needs someones help.
I need a person who is spiritually fit and does things with responsibility not to hurt people. He and his girlfriend’s laugh at me when they pass through me in car while I’m walking on the street which is really bad.
Still these women I think they r helping him in doing so may be looking at his money and won’t get a free ride from home to work and vise versa. Always they will be in his car during his free time.
So ends up with him. I travel always alone. Why he never approached me in malls or restaurant’s or wherever I go by myself. May be he thinks I may scream or yell at him and he gets insulted in public. He just wants me to sit in his car. But I’m not comfortable that way. Who knows in this present world he can do anything to me. Even after knowing him, if his intention is to spoil what will I do. I have no idea Adam. Before he used to hide his face use fake beards and stalk me to cover his face. I don’t know why. Sometimes his original face. Is he having any psychological issues. God knows.
Just help me in giving an answer.
Please sent me an email.
I am 50yrs. I have been with my man( you ve taught me that’s not true) for3+yrs. He is absolutely emotionally unavailable. He said we are soul mates and wants tho be together for the rest of our lives. While living separately. There is no way to explain in an email how it has come to be the way it is, I feel foolish and a little despondent that I’ve had o.k. blinders until now.
Gosh… I feel like I just gained a bunch of superpowers!
Oh Great this leaves very little options for us! 😀 😛
These videos are amazing!!!! I actually watched them all just now well listened as I drove to work. The advice you have found in your life and deciding to help us women out to understand emotions of men is generous. I have struggled with dating and even dating a guy who doesn’t put me as a priority and now I realize it’s really time to look at the other fish.
It’s the hardest thing to face. Especially when I tend to get quick to attachments to people I meet and so when I like someone sometimes it’s hard to realize the priority thing. I have been feeling unhappy with him for a couple of weeks and I had no idea why and this makes sense. Thank you!!!! I have been working to gain my sexy confidence back this week and it’s amazing how much more happier I have been to work on me and how I feel about me and not how someone else feels about me
This PERFECTLY described my ex boyfriend. I’m now talking to another man, and he doesn’t have ANY of these signs! Woohoo! But we will see. He lives in another state and we talk and text everyday and I’m flying to meet him in 2 weeks, and we both agreed that if our relationship is really great we will make it work despite the distance. Already he seems emotionally available. I don’t know if THIS is an issue too but age I think can play a huge factor. My last boyfriend was 28 and I’m 36 he was a player (but was blinded by his charm) yet told me he wanted to start a family with me etc. I don’t have children yet. This new guy I’m talking with is 13 years OLDER than me…so it could have a little to do with it. But I think it’s mainly personality. Thanks Adam!! I’m arming myself with new wisdom.
You’re an excellent communicator, and after watching that I know what I have to do in getting out of a toxic affair with a doctor (i’m a nurse and separated/married!)
Your’e hilarious, luv it when you wear the wig and make up! Keep up the hilarity it helps to balance the seriousness of all our womenly emotions…cheers , Tracey
Thank you for all the videos you have uploaded so far. All of them have been an absolute help for me in terms of understanding how relationships work. Especially this video where you have given an insightful detail about which i never knew before. Thank you for opening my mind. lots of love, Kangkana
Hello Adam, I love this video. Entering the dating scene today has been a challenge. Seems that even at the young age of 62 this is not only powerful but very useful information.
Thank you so much for all you give.
I met someone and we had this awesome connection…or so I thought. First I need to say I’m 59 and he’s 28.Age shouldn’t matter if there’s a connection in my opinion. Now here’s the thing…when we met in knew he’d be leaving sometime in October to trek cross country. I was ok with that. we enjoyed each other’s company so much I caved and told him I wanted him to stay with me until he left. well…heverything went to visit his family 2 hours from me and that was last Tuesday. he said he’d be back Sunday so he could spend his last week with me. today is Friday and he’s not here. when he first left three days went by with no text or phone call. I texted him and from then on all his texts are one word texts or just how ya doin. I’ve asked him a couple times when he’s coming back and he won’t answer the question. wth?? my guess is that he isn’t coming back or he just doesn’t know. I’m frustrated and thinking it’s time to let my hippie go.
You’re have such charisma! My situation is I haven’t dated in 4 years because there appears to be no one in my small town area to date. They’re either too young, or too old, living with someone or just unattractive. Before that I was long term married and was cheated on, him ultimately leaving me for this woman who is btw, 20 years younger than my ex. I feel ignored and unnoticed, no matter how hard I try to look good. Your thoughts?
Holy Shazaaaam- amazing. You just nailed 9 traits displayed by my “ex” who was not really an ex since we were “not really dating” lol. I almost agree with number 10 too but I could never catch him in a lie- nor did I try because I knew and did not care. Eeesh.
Thanks!! This is fascinating- believe it or not I did not believe those types existed- only those fabled men my friends talkes about.
Did not help me at all. Refund please.
Thank you adam for your help..
Kool Adam, want to buy your book men love confident women, your easy on da eye too. He he
I’ve been seeing a man for about 5 months. We see each other about every weekend (we live about 90 miles apart). He says we’re exclusive but not boyfriend/girlfriend yet. What does that mean? He makes time for me but I’m not sure what “exclusive” means.
It’s code for not wanting a relationship but he doesn’t want to risk what he’s got. Bottom line.
I had that with my FWB. He’s intense/serious about being ‘committed’ & exclusive. He reinforced the words over & over. It’s the guy saying he doesn’t want you sleeping around cause that’s a deal breaker. Puts them at risk. Whereas the way he’s set the parameters, he gets to enjoy the benefits of being a couple but keeping himself open to options [backing out] because you’re not bf/gf which they visualize as meaning he’d be more ‘duty’ bound to honour sticking with you.
Sorry if that hurts or sounds harsh…but he’s not available to investing himself in you…it’s still an exploratory period. He’s feeling comforted/comfortable…getting the attention he craves without having to solidify anything. So many people have been hurt or rattled…it’s a milder form of insecurity I suppose. He’s very slow moving before he’ll commit to anything more which social status of BF/GF suggests.
Hey Adam thanks for the videos are very helpful and I need your help I tried of online chats rooms must guys on there only sex and some start out ok and we have coffee but eventually it’s all about sex …Where can I can a serious guy and love?
It will NEVER be in a ‘chat room’. That’s just all pervs & weirdo’s.
Online dating is an option…there’s ‘trollers’ but it’s more diverse & you have alot more filtering etc. to weed out any risks. Most who are only looking for casual or FWB will say so up front, or sometime slightly more subtle. Not have a profile picture or something..but online dating with message exchanges…it’s more in your hands.
Or go out in your community if there’s any ethnic clubs with events/activities. Go for the luncheon…hang about, people watch. Maybe someone will grab your attention. Most people meet at work or recreational activities. Never in a chat room.
Very informative. Identifying many signs in a person I was seeing. He called a break but I don’t believe it now. I’ve been conflicted & confused as I’m convinced it’s code for a break up. I just don’t get what I want. Been through alot of negative experiences (violent marriage, alcoholic ex) there’s no outlet for mingling where I live so withdrew into myself & gave up on finding anyone. It literally seemed pointless & HOPELESS. I don’t have an active, creative life (accessibility issues with lack of transportation, poverty). I guess in a nutshell, though I entered into present arrangement confident, eyes wide open. I’m now feeling restless & duped. I’m exasperated with myself & still conflicted. I don’t mind complacency…I want the gratification. I got lost in the illusion. I kept saying that about maybe it was too illusory. He wanted to spend ALL HIS TIME with me, prioritized me but he’s on a timeline & driven for a life mate & doesn’t idealize it in me. Constant little hints about having to live with the persons idiosyncrasies. He had a strict arrangement even in the blueprint for putting things on ‘hold’ if we found someone we wanted to explore. He encouraged me to have satisfaction & joy with someone right for me though we were both euphoric with one another. Likewise. Then it’s like I expressed myself twice, & it all hit a snag. He was up in my face about feelings. Friends can have sincere expression of caring. It’s not romantic love. I know he’s emotionally unavailable. I didn’t want to get tangled up. I was thrown into shock, after having just seen him 2 days before, to wake up to 2 lengthy texts calling it quits. It wasn’t even calling a stop to what we were doing, temporarily, as he was uncertain about a new interest. Pursuing exploration. All irrelevant. What threw me into shock is his complaint about my text the previous day. I had too much time to analyze everything. It was never supposed to be an emotional investment. WOW. I tried to follow up that I’d texted as a matter of ‘generic’ expression. My visage came crashing down when Friday morning (2 days after having seen him) 2 texts signing off on everything we had. That it was just a summer fling. Reference to a song lyric he’d tried showing me to impress his feelings. I was so upset as there was all assureties it would be a bit longer. I don’t feel the fool but somewhat for possibly romanticizing some of his words which seemed to intermingle. I know noting is guaranteed & according to other tutorials I now know how I didn’t fit on his timeline & I know I wasn’t just right for him. But part of me had hoped if time could be delayed, I came along at the right time. We unexpectedly found in each other everything that was never right with our relationships-had been lacking. So it was painfully oxymoronic that we didn’t ‘fit’ as life mates but everything else was so right. We behaved almost like a marriage…or couple. High level of intimacy. I was panicked & in shock at the 2 texts. I knew no matter how my mind strained at strategically wording a response to ‘communicate’ versus ‘severance’, even 1 or 2 words ‘no, can we please talk?” Just seemed needy, desperate. But I was. I was desperate to NOT have the nice fantasy blown up. This wasn’t the parting I figured [I now realize no clear imagery was given for that. But I just took for granted it would be ‘personal’. A final time together…not impersonal & so abstract as to be ‘obelisk’, as a text]. He texted he’d call that night. I know enough psychology it’s important to make it about choice. Their choice..it’s a power dynamic, needing to feel in control of yourself, your needs. I hear the primal cry for space…his frustration so apparent. I knew it to be some projection. He’d lost himself in it, got too immersed & wanted to regain focus…to orient himself to task/goals he’d set. I only wanted clarity of permanency. I told him this. I sensed he felt pressured. I wasn’t pleading, no raised voice. His was so elevated that i couldn’t handle it & begged he dial it back. That was making me whimper. Idk why I’m so stupidly sensitive. We’re both very sensory. Your video’s…I know his vision of me has changed. I hate that for all the damage control I’d been trying to do that Wednesday night…just intuitively thinking ‘role playing’ or not…what HE WANTED who’s kidding themself. And I don’t doubt he cares or cared (Wednesday night glassy moist eyes. I directly said, ‘are you going to cry, you look as though you could cry’. He expressed that he was frustrated at me. Like an unwillingness to move on. Woah, what. We were just making plans to return things to my place instead of me visiting him. He was always about letting me go gently. Wanting me to be happy, when the time came to dissolve. It always seem more distant. But that’s the least of his. His screech about his time. Thrashing every activity we did (but not the sex) & he threw down a BREAK. 2 wks. Absolutely NO CONTACT. Parting words, “not one phone call or one text” or else I’d never ever see or hear from him again. Then lastly that one more second stuck on the phone & that was it. I was so tensed up & hung up the phone. Idk if I blew it by texting him best wishes on his coffee date Saturday trying to show him my bravado & holding true to form of ‘how we were’. Encouraging one another-our pairing not an obstruction..& ultimately that I abide by the terms of what he wants. In that mouthful of what felt like ‘fury’ at the sensual distraction he enjoyed now being an annoyance as it’s distracted him from his true goal (I’m not keeping him, he wanted this. I reminded him he brought me into it. Mutual agreement)..he blurted, ‘maybe I’ll shoot you a text in the wk & check in how you’re doing’. I had expected this, as he’s always been ‘thoughtful’. Each passing day the silence is deafening. It’s been 9 days of the 14 day gauntlet & that one positive text. But I still have a sour ball in my gut when I think of it, if that was distorted in his mind to be a violation of the code of silence. I feel idiotic to ask what to do…I do want him back. He satisfies all that I seek. I don’t want to commit or get invested in someone to have my heart broken. So this seemed like the perfect fit. I can come & go as I please, have companionship, sexual gratification & I don’t have to get too emotionally attached as to be heart broken. Yet I’m still shaken up at the outcome because it’s the NOT KNOWING & waiting. GAHHH
Omg! Thank you. Met a guy who was emotionally unavailable. But didn’t know then. Makes sense now.
Thanks Adam for another amazing video. I downloaded the checklist and I am sad to say that my husband meets 9 out of the 11 criteria. I love myself and I will live for myself. I can’t fix him, but I can certainly fix me.
I look forward to receiving your liist !!!! Thanks! /sounds very interesting.
I ALREADY ENTERD THREE TIMES ?????
Sadly i am a woman that men want nothing to do with. I am 51yo, never been in a long term relationship (they all bail at about 6-8 weeks for no reason that I understand) and I have been on one date in over 12 years. They all treat me like another dude. I have always been the one that men are comfortable talking to, but never the one they want to date. I am intelligent, educated, good sense of humor, caring, blah blah blah. But I do not consider myself the prettiest crayon in the box and that’s all men want…what looks good. They will all tell you that it’s what is on the inside that counts, but will fight tooth and nail to catch and keep the pretty girl no matter how dumb or shitty she is to them. I have pretty much given up……
Adam, Thank you for the video’s. So much good information. I have been with my “boyfriend” for almost 4 years now. It has been difficult to put it mildly. He has lied and cheated more then once, but he has also ALWAYS been there for me thru some very difficult times. We both have abandonment issues and trust issues from previous relationships. It seems like every time we are doing really good he finds some reason to slam on the brakes throw it in reverse and before long were arguing then not speaking for awhile and back to square one. He can be the most amazing man that also turns into a the biggest jerk on the planet. I love him but there’s also a great deal of pain and doubt. I don’t know how to go forward. I’m hoping this video series will help me to figure it out.
Thanks Adam !
Waiting for the next video
Thanks Adam !
Love the videos !
Waiting for the next one
Thanks for your advice… I have been in a FWB “situation for almost 6 years…and that list defined him perfectly… however he sends me mixed signals…now I can see that I was only seeing what I wanted to see… the man I’m speaking about, I’ve known since high school has ALWAYS helped me out when no one else would…I tried not to get emotionally invested, but I really fell in love with him even though I knew I was/am in a “it is what it is” situation….I just don’t know what hurts the most.. keeping him in my life and going no where or letting him go..
Oh my gosh this is my favorite video youve done! Everything you said is exactly what i needed to hear! Ive struggled since i was 18 (im now 27) with guys who are emotionally unavailable! Thankyou so much for your amazing words of wisdom!!!
I seem to be attracted red to emotionally unavailable men my entire life. Just recently I was dating someone I’ve known since childhood but we were getting to know each other in adulthood. I thought he was different, he seemed to be we spoke of all kinds of things before I even said yes to being his gf. He told me don’t worry, I’m a great listener if there is anything you wish to communicate I’m the king of communication! Ya right, I soon found out just after Christmas he was silent for days when he ghosted on me on nye I clearly was pissed, when I asked why he was being distant he said “you haven’t called me in 2 days” , when I expressed I worked 14 hrs then worked the following day + attended my uncles funeral, he then stated ” I think you stole $15 from” I was floored, I have 3 jobs why would I steal?, I also said if I needed cash that bad I’m pretty sure I can ask you and you as my man would gladly give it…..we haven’t talked in 10 days.
I’m a 52 -year-old divorcee wondering if I’ll ever find love again. I’ve been out several times some great guys, I’ve even had three boyfriends, two of them left me for other women. I feel helpless in this new dating scene and I haven’t done in years. I was married 23 years the first time, single for three years and then remarried it lasted for six years. Now here I’m single again both man or abuse of cheaters. I’m lost in this new age of dating, I don’t do bar scenes I don’t know where to meet men how to meet men I have a talk to them. I know I’m attractive because I know I’m 52 years old but nobody ever believes me they always think I’m in my late 30s and early 40s. But take care of myself and I just moved to this new town in a differ state, were I have no friends and I do even know my way around. How do you start?
Thank you for the list. What if he has some of the traits… how do I tell.
You Adam are a genius and so generous to help woman see the reality of dating….I totally see 7,8 and 9 on the regular. Love all your videos!
I literally just broke up with a guy of 3 years that is all except #1 (but then he lied about everything, so…).
Thank you Adam, this is so very liberating.Love all the videos!!I can’t thank you enough.
Very useful tips, thank you Adam!!!
Very useful video, Adam!!!
Emotionally unavailable, my guy was 9 out of the 11 signs. Made it Wm easy to walk away
This guy I met, pursued me long and hard, travelled 14 hours to meet me and my family, got to know me more.. Had a great time, Then he returned followed with zero communication..it is too much a relationship like thing he felt. No sharing anything only when we met.. we live in different cities.Then we became intimate , but it didn’t work on his side..he said, every thing desrves a second chance. We became intimate another time, this time it did not work on my side…..All sweetness ended and he didn’t want a relationship, I was too irritating to have an everyday relationship with, I suddenly was moody, unpredictable…. Had too much of it. Am I the classic example of not wanting to see the red flags, did he only want sex? Watching the video was awesome…I need to rebuild my self esteem, and get back to my cheerful self again. Adam, your videos are helping me do just that. Thanks.
WOW! Holy crap do I feel silly now. Yep, this has answered ALL my questions. I’ve been dating a guy now for 4.5 months, tried to break it off over a week ago but he talked me out of it. Became VERY sketchy this past weekend and I knew it was over. I wish I had this video a month ago. So glad it’s here now though. Good luck to everyone!
This is very insightful and will pass it on to all my single girlfriends. I do have a question though…..does all have to apply to him or can it be just a couple or any one of them would mean he’s not emotionally available in this relationship?
Hi Adam! I’m enjoying all of your videos and information. I started looking at relationship and dating coaches to see who has the best information for some of the women I coach. You have such a great style of presenting useful/usable information that makes it easy to digest reality. I’m learning a lot that I’m looking forward to passing along. As soon as my new website is up, I want to contact you to see how I can promote your work more.
Hey Adam! Thanks a lot for this video. In my case, number 1 to 4 are true (to a large extent) about this guy that I’ve been talking to for about 2 months now but the rest don’t apply to him. Although he didn’t say he doesn’t want a relationship, he said it’s hard for him to want to be in a relationship. We have a good friendship, we stay in different cities but we communicate frequently. He hasn’t still asked me to be his girlfriend but we relate at a level higher than ordinary friendship. I reallly don’t know if i should conclude that he’s emotionally unavailable. What do you think?
This video definitely hit home for me. I’m so glad that I stumbled across your YouTube channel.
Darlene Y Smith
Thank you for this information. I know that my current relationship is over he has speaking on more about sex. His words does not match his actions. I am look for compassion and caring man in a real relationship. Thanks Adam. This has helped a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam, thank you very much for sharing this valuable information. Everything you share is like pure gold to me. All your closer friends and family are very blessed for having you by their side and so do I because with your videos I can say proudly that I am growing spiritually (by casting my mistakes and embarassment aside). You give us hope, strenght, knowledge, encouragement, balance and the most important: TRUTH. God bless you for your divine work, and thank you very much for helping us to move on without tearing apart.
Kisses and Hugs from Mexico 🙂
I have a man I am sees me and,another woman. He is emotionally involve with both of us. He calls considers us having a relationship.He is the type of man that cares and is very attentive when he he is with me. I could not ask for a better man. The problem is he is concerned that he will have to choose between the two of us and hurt the other woman.
I’m in a similar situation. Has anything evolved over time?
Your so right , but it’s so hard to leave when you love him more then anyone you have ever been with , even knowing your way better then what he is giving you .
I love all your videos. I do however have a couple of questions.
I have just started seeing a guy, we both have kids, and both have a bit in our schedules.
He wants a relationship as do i, we have met twice, then taking things slow. We are just texting and talking about catching up soon.
He has stated he wants things to go slow, i am happy with that as i have come out of a marriage seperation, and had a long distant relationship that didnt work out.
My question is, what i see as acceptable time frame for intimacy between as might be considered as not long enough to ensure that the relationship does not become purely based on sex. He has said he has not been with anyone for quite a few years sexually, for me its not been long. I have no reason to doubt he is telling the truth, as he has not striked me as being someone who lies, but how do you really know by his actions weather he is being honest with me? Is there a way to truely tell? I really like him, and would like things to work between us. Are there any tips you can give me based on everything i have given you here?
Thanks for giving us the real facts about men, Adam.
I had an emotionally unavailable man in my last relationship. These were the things he did that I should have never put up with:
– He didn’t care and he wasn’t curious about me. He didn’t care what I was thinking.
– The only thing he noticed about me was my beauty. He would call me beautiful, and not see much more than that in me.
– He gave me flowers when I would get upset with him for bad behavior, to maintain a happy status quo
– He didn’t want to spend quality time talking to me, he didn’t enjoy talking to me.
– He was inconvenienced when I asked him to be there for me at the end of my 7K. He made it clear that he wasn’t happy to be there.
– He was bad in bed. He would do the minimum to get me turned on, just enough to be wet enough for him. He didn’t prioritize my orgasm, and was all about his pleasure.
– He would talk about a girl he liked from his work in front of me. It became clear to me that I was not his queen.
– He used me when he put on a party, and didn’t make me a drink — but made drinks for other hot girls there.
Girls, you must be seen as the queen to your man, and he should be a king in your eyes. You are a team together. If he doesn’t see you as his queen, find a man that does. And don’t settle for men that you don’t respect.
Lots and lots of love,
Thanks for the info and I believe I am currently seeing one the “emotionally unavailable” man. I am actually confused why man behave so he approached me and show interest and now he will said that he is a slow person when come to relationship and asked me to be patience then when I called he will not pick up his phone call as I only called when it is urgent things I need to speak with him which is once in a blue moon i.e. maybe literally once in every two weeks when I did not hear from him. Promised that we will have date then when it is time he will have last minute reason not to meet but when he wants sex he will text and said how much he misses me. So yeah it is so frustrated in the first place why bother to show interest and if only sexual desire he can get professional services. *Sigh* So yes I am trying to move on but it is so hard as when initially he tried to get thru to me he was so sweet and lovely. I am furious and upset actually now. He had not called for or text for two weeks now like missing in action! I did not bother to even to write too as I am sick to initiate all the time. So could you please confirm when a man said that he is a slow person and shy person and that is the reason he behaved so that is what he told me when I query him on his behaviour. Is that right? I am trying moving on but my inner voice said that he told me to be patience. We have known each other for 2.5 months now. Looking forward to your enlightenment.
I find myself really in a weirdway place. I was with a man for over 2years,knew himto for 11 and had No Idda he was an actual diagnosed narcissist. Lonest 2 years of my life and the deepest heartbreak i think a person can experience . At the end of the relationship i got involved in rebuilding myself on all levels ( still a work in progress)long story short during the whole downward spiral of that relationship a man kept on pursuing me. Im not the type of woman that steps out on a relationship regardless of whats going on.
The pursuer and i work together and lost contact for about 8 months,then out of the blue he started calling me, from the begining i told him i wasnt ready ,he still hung around until right before Christmas- i hac finally come to a place to even consider getting close to someone,so we made plans for the 2 week duration of work break . The first night he was supposedto be at my house at a certain time as a team driver. He never showed,for 2wks nothing,then out of the blue he texts- no im sorry no explination nothing. I mentioned it he offered still no explination so i left it alone. During this same communication he was again supposed to meet me at a certain time and place. After waiting a half an hour later that the scheduled time i sent a text saying well i guess youre not showing, almost instantly got a text from him saying perhaps he could come after he got done doing what he was doing he could come by. I blew a gasket – i have to admit i was not nice which thats not how i am normally,ill listen and communicate in an effort to either heal a relationsip. 1-i dont get it, i dont discuss my past and dont emasculate people yet ,even with online dating i end up alone, right after what seemed to be an awesome interaction,why ? Im 51 but look 30 i take care of myself,and dont carry a negeative attitude yet always the brides maid. Ive been through pretty much every module youve produced and the majority of it is dead on.yet, here i sit ?
Great checklist. It was good to see that my newish guy is somewhere in between, only checks off a couple boxes. Old girlfriends keep popping up (grr) and his new demanding job is… well… taking up a lot of time. He was up front about that. He knows I want a full on relationship and he is a bonder. So, we are seeing how things shake out. He’s a special guy and he is enthusiastic about me (cuz I’m a catch). I’m older and there aren’t many desirable gents in my age range so I’m willing to go with it for now. But now I know what to watch for.
Liberating and I can stop blaming myself finally to break a pattern. Many thanks Adam for giving me life back. 😉
Great video. I have one question though, what if the guy travels and has a lot on his plate with his job. He’s a bit older than I am an so I need to be understanding, and he also has some baggage however he’s sorting through it- as it takes time I can understand. But how do I know if this will blossom into something real- to just hang in there- or if it’s a mirage??
What if a man has told you that he’ll never be able to “completely love you”, after you sleep together only one weekend,
yet he calls and texts you everyday for 6 months to date.
He lives across the state so there I s no opportunity for just sex.
He always talks to me about my life and his
Yet never initiates physically getting together.
He spends no less than 2 hours a day speaking with me.
Says I’m one in a trillion.
When I’ve asked him to delineate our relationship, he says we are not just friends yet will never expand on that no matter how I press.
What do you think he thinks and feels? I have never met a man who is this contradictory and he doesn’t fit into any of your specific signs.
He does want to know my friends and family and talks to them on and off on social media,
he does devote daily time to us, and quite a lot
He calls me when he’s had a great day or one from hell
He asks and cares about my life
He simply makes no move to see me… physically… ever.
I am also a very attractive woman, song don’t think it’s my looks that don’t agree with him.
Thanku so much for this video.
Found it extremely helpful..
I have just watched this…
Yet it makes me think, what do you do when it’s your fault he becomes unavailable emotionally and you regret what you have done by sabotaging the relationship yet he still stick around but he cant tell you if he wants to be you BF still or not when he tells you he is not sure but only time will tell. he ask you question as to why i cheated and sabotage us and i dont have answers yet all u know is he dont trust u and u wish u can turn back time and undo what has happened
how he goes on about the 5 love languages and that his is physical ouch and mine is word of admiration. for the 1st time in 3 months he told me Saturday when i told him i miss u replied with same words-how long have i asked to hear/read it.
this goes on..
maybe this is irrelevant to the video-i just wanted to know
wish him and i can have what we had before i made him unavailable.
I’ve been seeing someone who displays at least 7 of the emotionally unavailable triggers. Annoyingly I have fallen big time for him. Any advice on what to say next time he gets in touch that shows that I’m not putting up with that without seeming overly harsh. ??
Thanks, loving the courses. Such valuable insights.
Thank you for this video !
I knew some of this, but needed the confirmation !! After 32. Yes, Seriously !! 32 yrs !!! My daughters father shows up out of the blue & says he is so happy he’s finally found us & able to meet her blah blah blah… He’s missed us & been thinking about us, wants to make things right & do right…
All I could think was. DeJaVu… What’s he up to now ?
My daughter just turned 32 . Finally after 3 mos of back n forth w his games, bs , lies , manipulations, etc.
Got rid of him, Thank Goodness !!! Knew to trust my intuition & You !
Thanks Adam so much. I am going through this as of right now!!!! It seems as though I’m catching the wrong type of men and I definitely have to do better. Thank you
OMG!! I’m with someone like this now. He is doing all of your 11 points.
I’m not going to allow this anymore! Thank you for your WONDERFUL advise!
Can’t wait for the rest of it!!
I have been with a guy for more than 2 years & for the last few months, he’s behaving weirdly. He doesn’t seem like loving me, he doesn’t say ‘I love you’ even rarely, he seems to be careless about me but then we get into physical intimacy when we meet privately. Are we emotionally attached or is it possible to revive the life in our relationship like we had a year back or should I just try to move on?
Love watching these videos and thank you for the checklists…they’re definitely coming in handy. Seeing someone who is an amazing guy and although I am friends with most of my ex’s when they reach out to check up and see how I’m doing (or who I’m with) it makes me appreciate the one I’m with that much more…he may not be perfect but he’s perfect for me with all his imperfections. Have I met the one? Only time will tell… we’re both weary about getting into a relationship so we’re both taking it slow…enjoying our time together… meanwhile, I’m using what I’m learning from Adam to my advantage…thank you for all your advice.
I’m interested in joining your program. Thank you
what if the guy you meet tells you what they want is to have a child with you before they can marry you?
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